i'm being haunted by the past. last night i had a talk with schatz's bestfriend and then early this morning, quint decided to talk to me again. but i really enjoyed our talk! missed him so much. and after more than a year i saw his face again, still quite attractive i should say. and i know that if i wouldn't guard my heart i would fall prey to his charms again. but i'm glad that he's more settled now. looks like he's being well taken cared of. he deserves to be happy.

anyways, yesterday i facilitated our dgroup's discussion and i tackled bathsheba. i started with the question, "As a woman, what it is that you truly desire?" the common answers were being loved, cherished and having a family of their own. i thought i would get "successful career" as one of the answers because all of the girls in the group are quite successful in their chosen field. but their answers proved that NOT all woman wants a successful career or a big house or lots of money, but every woman yearns to be not just noticed but most of all wanted. as women, we all want to be beautiful. we're designed to want others to admire us - as well as appreciate  who we are. this only proves to show that in our heart of hearts as women beauty really matters.

bad news is we don't always get what we want. we all have issues about the way we look or how others see us. and when this happens we often pretend or use our beauty in ways that are not glorifying to GOD. examples of pretension would be being manipulative, controlling or bossy. and if this won't work still we often try to use whatever beauty it is that we have to seduce others by wearing provocative clothes or by being flirtatious, this is what we called misused or misguided use of beauty.

i believe that bathsheba's guilty of misusing her beauty... the way she flaunted herself to king david and the resulted adultery afterwards. but somewhere along the line she repented and GOD transformed her into someone who's worth emulating by women today. though it's not proven to be true nor false, bible scholars say that she could be the proverbs 31 woman. they say that king lemuel who wrote proverbs 31 using his mother as inspiration could be king solomon writing about his mother who's no other than bathsheba.

this story is just another example of how GOD could transform lives and use even our weaknesses (perceived or not)  to bring glory to HIS name. let's not forget that inner beauty matters more than outward beauty. it's not to say that improving your outward appearance is bad but we should really give more importance to what's inside. and let's pray that GOD would help us see ourselves the way HE sees us, accept ourselves the way HE accepts us because a truly beautiful woman is someone who honors GOD with her inward and outward beauty.