"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."

- Matthew 5:3

   To be poor in spirit is to realize our absolute dependence on God which results in our complete surrender to Him. Being poor in spirit does not have anything to do with our financial status. It has everything to do with the inner attitudes of our hearts. Those who are poor in spirit have full confidence in our God and it is to them that the kingdom of God is made manifest. To them Jesus says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Reflections:

Lord, I know that often times i tend to depend on my abilities and skills especially when it comes to financial matters and even in my lovelife. Forgive me, Lord. I should depend on you and not on my own strength. From this day onwards, please help me to entrust these cares on You.

Thanks for reminding me that human knowledge and capabilities have limits and that only in You can we put our complete trust.

Thank you for being my Father and for taking the burdens from my shoulders.

What He asked me to do:

1) ask for forgiveness from my family

2) share the good news to my niece's yaya and my mom

Prayed for the following;

1) unsaved friends and loved ones

2) my discipler's prayer requests

3) spiritual maturity of church staff, myself and friends

 

sometimes when you're too close to the forest, you fail to see the trees. i've been surrounded by these people almost all my life that sometimes i fail to see just how blessed i am just to have them around.

i've proven that again during the past days that i was down. my aunt and sis-in-law were a great source of strength. thank you, LORD for sending me these people. i know that i am loved, i just get crazy sometimes that i don't see and appreciate these blessings. 

was gone for almost a month because of some problem with our dsl connection, we had to switch to another provider... and that's always a major headache!

but u know what? behind it all GOD was telling me that HE is the one who's in control. i can't discuss it here but it's really funny how HE has proven that to me time and time again. HE could take away anything in a blink of an eye, without any reason.... just to prove to you that HE is GOD.

anyways, for those interested see the updates below.

i've missed blogging!

long ago i thought it was just imagined or an excuse that ladies often use to get away with having to explain their weird/foul behavior. but after numerous times of experiencing it myself, now i know that it is indeed real. i'm talking about foul moods such as being down for no particular reason at all, being depressed over minor setbacks or being overly sensitive whenever you're about to have your monthly period. boy, am i nearing menopause?! oh, i'm much too young for that still! but surely i've been having bouts of these weird behavior for months already that my aunt said, "that's not you!"

now i know why i was feeling that way yesterday!

sometimes i just wish to go home... accept things as they are and pack up. i wish it's that easy. if only i never knew the things that i know now nor have i experienced moments and glimpses of joy and hope.... i would have gone. but those moments were very real in my life... they make me keep on. they serve as light when i'm inside the tunnels of life.

but for now i need refreshing. a boost to keep me going... sometimes coffee's just ain't enough. i need stronger dozes.

just give me a manifestation of YOUR love. i know it's there but sometimes i just don't feel it.

when i woke up this morning this certain guy's in my thoughts already. met him couple of months ago through a common friend. truth be told, i've already noticed him even before we got introduced. he's part of the prompters and i just love watching him sing with gusto for the LORD.

going back, while i was on my way to meet with my dgroup today i got a text from a friend saying that she'll be treating us to pizza and that some guys will be joining us and one of them happens to be 'that guy'. i never told anyone that i've been thinking of that guy just this morning and even i didn't know why i was even thinking of him. hmmmm.... ordained? hehe

it's been a great day though i said something really stupid. arrrrgh!  but LORD, guard my heart please. i don't wanna go through what i've gone through for 4 years.. not again, please.

which reminds me of this Bible verse;

dry & parched land, that's how i would describe my spirit these past days until today. i don't know what's wrong; i still pray & read the bible but somehow it just wouldn't connect. i couldn't feel anything.

last night was another manifestation of how poorly my spirit has been eating this past days. i really felt bad when i woke up this morning then i prayed and asked for HIS forgiveness.... and i've FELT it! i really am grateful that despite my sinfulness HE is there, ready to forgive and take me in HIS arms again and loving me unconditionally. it is really only by HIS grace that i stand. it only shows that no matter how good we think we are, it's not enough. only GOD could save us and not our good works because it just wouldn't be enough.

which reminds me of this book by Mother Theresa (the catholic nun) that the Catholic church published. the book consist of the  secret letters of Mother Theresa to her spiritual advisors that she has sent them for years. the letters talk about the absence of JESUS in her life. the absence that she was talking about seems to have started at the time she began tending the poor and dying in Calcutta except for a 5-week reprieve. she even came to the point that she doubted the existence of GOD. she never experienced GOD till her dying day. isn't that sad?

i don't judge her, in fact i even admire her for giving up her life to serve GOD. but how could you serve someone whom u don't even know? her letters just show that we cannot find or feel  the presence of GOD just by doing good works. i have yet to read the whole book but i guess one of the problems was as a sinner she never accepted her need for GOD. she thought that good works were enough. she never gave GOD the merits. she kept on sacrificing for GOD but never realized how GOD has given HIS only SON to die on the cross for our sins.

she claims that she heard GOD telling her to be HiS light, but how could she be that when she herself was in total darkness? a blind person cannot guide another blind person! in my christian life there were also times when i doubted HIS presence but it usually never last. mother theresa's darkness lasted till her dying day. and if u look at the lives of the people in the BIBLE, the ones that know GOD, they never stayed in spiritual darkness for long. so how come Mother Theresa never saw the light?

mother theresa clearly saw JESUS as her LORD but was she able to see HIM as her SAVIOR? i really hope that she was able to find her need for GOD, confessed her sins and asked JESUS to be her SAVIOR and not just her LORD. because if not, all her sacrifices would be in vain. hell doesn't deserve her but the BIBLE is clear about it. JESUS is the only way to heaven, not our good works. it should all begin and end with JESUS, not us.



 

had a great time with GOD last night; read the bible, listened to praise & worship songs and prayed;it's so good to just bask in the presence of GOD, it gives me peace amidst life's storms.

last night i finished the book of JOB and i was really so ashamed of myself. requiring too much from GOD, sometimes even instructing HIM on what HE should do to get me out of trouble, when in reality wisdom lies in HIM alone.

one of the verses that strike me the most was this;

Job 41:10-11

"......who then is he that can stand before ME? Who has given to ME that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is MINE."

GOD knows what HE's doing, HE doesn't need our advice and HE doesn't need to prove to us anything. HE doesn't owe us any!

i am so guilty of this, i often get ahead of GOD... as if i know better than HIM.

who am i really that i should instruct GOD? all we have to do is to trust GOD even in the most trying of situations.

 

Matthew 8:25

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

- human as i am, i get scared of so many things but what's sad is i get afraid of the wrong things. say, i often get scared of venturing into something that God wants me to do. fear is not altogether bad, what makes it bad is we often get afraid of the wrong things. fear of committing sin or displeasing GOD is a good kind of fear but i know that people seldom get scared of causing GOD pain.

how could we be so afraid of causing the person we love pain when we don't care at all how we cause HIM pain with the bad things we do?

 

just got home from a friend's farewell party. tonight i said goodbye to a friend who's been with me for 2 decades already. i will surely miss her. but we will be in touch of course; with the advent of electronic mails, chats, text messages and phones we won't miss out on each other's lives.

still i will miss the sleepovers, the coffee dates, the kwentuhans about our past, present and future and the way we talk and pray about our struggles in life. she's one great friend whom i will surely miss.

thanks for the friendship, bilia! how i will miss being called lynia, she's the only person who calls me that.