as a christian have u ever felt that you're not the right person to share the gospel to a certain individual because he/she seems to have it all together compared to your life that's kinda chaotic?

i sometimes feel that way. and this blog that i've found today breathe new life to that insecurity of sharing the gospel to some successful people. why would they want to listen to me or believe whatever it is that i have to tell them when they've reached certain success both in their career & personal life and also they seem to know God though on closer inspection there's something wrong about their belief?

when does christianity begin? is it when you have left behind all the wrong teachings that you have grown so accustomed to? can u already be called a christian when u have an ongoing relationship with JESUS and yet still practice the teachings of your former belief/religion that are wrong based on the Bible?

just some questions that popped out of my head.

"sometimes we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts, we all fall in love and there are times that we loved so much that we loose ourselves in our own emotions, more often than not, we wonder, why there are love that grows and love that grows cold, we would start searching for answers and try to find where love has gone wrong, but in the end, we find ourselves where we started, we cannot question love for it has its own reasons, love will always be as it always has been, silent, mysterious and deeply profound. Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be dissillusioned in the end, when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. we mistakenly looked that love hasnt need to be fulfilled, but love is only a gift given to us, we should not hold it in our hands, for we may never find the strength to let it go, when it decides to leave. we should only embrace its warmth and glow while it lasts and just freely open our arms when its time to say goodbye. when we fall in love with someone, we dont want that feeling to end for it is everything we are and everything that we wanted to be, we pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts, but if it doesnt, then we should never let our lives be taken by it for life should not end when heartaches begin, there is always a reason why we have to move on, when we have to said goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever, let us not waived our hands with a heavy heart, for love has to set its wings free and find a place where it belongs, we may have lost it, but then again, when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts, we would hear that feeling, resounding silently forever, and well know, that it has never left us, but the good that we had become because of love will always stay, it will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy not because that we had lost love but because for once in our lives that feelings lived in our hearts and made us happy..."

There were two hearts who met in a dance. That moment was magical, there was a sweet song playing, there was harmony. And soon love in the air. They fell in love and they started building castles in their dreams. And promised forever with all certainty. But somewhere in the midst of the fun, they got lost in the dance. Something went wrong, but they can never do anything. They were just drifting away, their fortress falling apart. There were so many questions but no one had an answer. Then the music stopped, then there was silence.

When we truly love someone we give our best and let that person see the pureness of our intentions. But sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reasons. That someone must have loved us but he has not loved us enough to make him stand for what he truly felt. Now, we are faced with the seemingly impossible task of forgetting. We have burdened ourselves long enough. But we still can't get out from this emotional trap.

Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love the more painful letting go will become. Sometimes we never have to take that person out in our hearts at all, for he will always be there no matter how hard we try to drive him away.It isn't his presence that made this difficult but it is our stubbornness to accept our destiny that aligns forgetting is next to impossible. We keep a cold face but deep in our hearts there still that lingering hope for a reconciliation. Somehow, we still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire that once burned in our hearts.

This thought gives us hope but it also breeds the seeds of loneliness and despair. The only way to forget is to accept and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the footprints of the past be blown by the wind of time. Only then can our hearts find a partner in the dance of life and hopefully never get lost again.

-by joe d'mango

i've been told numerous times these sort of things;
1) you have a memory of an elephant
2) aren't you smart!
3) the woman with the grasshopper mind (is this good or bad?)
4) etc, etc

so what am i, really? this quiz says...

Your Thinking is Abstract and Sequential

You like to do research and collect lots of information. The more facts you have, the easier it is for you to learn. You need to figure things out for yourself and consider all possibilities. You tend to become an expert in the subjects that you study. It's difficult for you to work with people who know less than you do. You aren't a very patient teacher, and you don't like convincing people that you're right.

i'm being haunted by the past. last night i had a talk with schatz's bestfriend and then early this morning, quint decided to talk to me again. but i really enjoyed our talk! missed him so much. and after more than a year i saw his face again, still quite attractive i should say. and i know that if i wouldn't guard my heart i would fall prey to his charms again. but i'm glad that he's more settled now. looks like he's being well taken cared of. he deserves to be happy.

anyways, yesterday i facilitated our dgroup's discussion and i tackled bathsheba. i started with the question, "As a woman, what it is that you truly desire?" the common answers were being loved, cherished and having a family of their own. i thought i would get "successful career" as one of the answers because all of the girls in the group are quite successful in their chosen field. but their answers proved that NOT all woman wants a successful career or a big house or lots of money, but every woman yearns to be not just noticed but most of all wanted. as women, we all want to be beautiful. we're designed to want others to admire us - as well as appreciate  who we are. this only proves to show that in our heart of hearts as women beauty really matters.

bad news is we don't always get what we want. we all have issues about the way we look or how others see us. and when this happens we often pretend or use our beauty in ways that are not glorifying to GOD. examples of pretension would be being manipulative, controlling or bossy. and if this won't work still we often try to use whatever beauty it is that we have to seduce others by wearing provocative clothes or by being flirtatious, this is what we called misused or misguided use of beauty.

i believe that bathsheba's guilty of misusing her beauty... the way she flaunted herself to king david and the resulted adultery afterwards. but somewhere along the line she repented and GOD transformed her into someone who's worth emulating by women today. though it's not proven to be true nor false, bible scholars say that she could be the proverbs 31 woman. they say that king lemuel who wrote proverbs 31 using his mother as inspiration could be king solomon writing about his mother who's no other than bathsheba.

this story is just another example of how GOD could transform lives and use even our weaknesses (perceived or not)  to bring glory to HIS name. let's not forget that inner beauty matters more than outward beauty. it's not to say that improving your outward appearance is bad but we should really give more importance to what's inside. and let's pray that GOD would help us see ourselves the way HE sees us, accept ourselves the way HE accepts us because a truly beautiful woman is someone who honors GOD with her inward and outward beauty.

argggh.... i shouldn't be affected like this anymore! but i'm no stone, i have emotions and sometimes i just can't dictate the way i should feel.

but this i have to bear in mind, don't inquire anymore! well, i thought i could handle it already, but how wrong i was! so next time, shut your mouth!

heard from him again and i really hope that he's doing fine. he's been a part of me and i want nothing but the best in life for him. i really hope and pray that he'll find his way back to GOD. i know in his heart of hearts that he is a great person, perhaps even better than the ones who are so religious... he just needs to find his way back into the LORD's arms again.

last night i've dreamt of schatz. i know i've closed the book about him already but i can't help what i dream about during my unconcious moments, right? there were 2 other girls there but according to them, which was also verified by the scenes in my dream, that i was the only one who could pacify him.

i don't wanna think about it much. those 2 were just part of my past... i need to move on.

BTW, there are some major changes in my life of late. first, after having my own room for more than a decade i am now sharing it with my cousin who has moved in just the other day. i thought i'd have to deal with some major adjustments but i was quite surprised that i took it all easily. in fact, i'm kinda enjoying it and it lessens the guilt of having a big room all by myself when all the others share a much smaller room than mine. and exchanging my room's receiving area for someone to talk to when all the other's are already asleep was a good tradeoff indeed.  and i guess  GOD's preparing me for something.

second major change, i'm going back to the corporate world (GOD willing). i had to add that one because previous experiences had taught me that GOD could take away anything even if it's already within your reach. late last year i was already offered a job and 2 days before i start they told me that they have to shelve my employment because of some undiscussed issue. they said they would call but they never did. they'd given me the salary package already and i had accomplished everything that they asked me to do but it all went down the drain. so now i'm taking it all in stride. this is a much bigger company compared with the ones i've worked with in the past... so it's all in GOD's hands. if it's HIS will, it will happen... if not, i'll be better off somewhere. HE knows better.

this new company has given me a start date already, they're just waiting for me to submit my school credentials and certificate of employment from my previous company... then they'll do this extensive background check on me before i officially sign the contract. the salary package is good + all the benefits. i'm excited!

this verse comes in handy during this moment of waiting and anticipation;

Philippians 4:6,7

DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING, BY PRAYER AND PETITION, WITH THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD. AND THE PEACE OF GOD, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, WILL GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND YOUR MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS.

and also this prayer from my cousin in NJ touched me so...